To

Hands to waist, fingers to hair.

Back to wall, lips to lips.

Feet to stairs, body to bed.

Lips to hips, eyes to mine.

Smirk to curves, shivers to spine.

Clothes to floor, your body to mine.

Mind to reality. Back in time.

This Way

I have not felt this way in a long time. 

Infatuated almost, with the idea of you. 

You fill every crevice in my jumbled mind.

I watch you move and your smirk makes my whole being shiver. 

The dreams are vivid, but so are you. 

For once reality is better than my dreams.

But it's risky, and I'm scared. 

Maybe I don't even know you as well as I thought I did. 

Maybe the smirk was not meant for me at all.

Maybe the way you held me that night was just a moment in which we both felt lonely. 

I am conflicted, but I have not felt this way in a long time.

i told you

I told you my fears,

my secrets,

my hopes,

my dreams,

my soul,

my every thought,

every part of my anatomy,

and then you left.

-a.y

All I Know

All I know is that I'm lonely and I'm missing something.

Like it's right there and I'm about to reach out and grasp it in my hands but it's snatched away much too quickly and all I got was a glimpse. Not enough to know what it is but enough to wonder whether or not it is worth missing. 

I guess I just miss the feeling of being needed somewhere. 

Knowing I'm not your number 1 is eating me up inside. It'll always be him. The boy you chose over your best friend. It's okay though really I don't mind being alone. And one day I'll finally meet someone who will make me realize why I never felt this way about anyone else. He'll maker realize that being lonely for all this time has been worth it for him.

I'm not going to run back to you. I'm not insecure. I don't need a man to tell me I'm pretty. I know that. 

But it's nice to be held. It's nice to know you can call them after a bad day. It's nice to feel needed. 

So I guess that's why I'm lonely. I miss the feeling of having someone. You were my someone. But you left me and I'm left with nothing. 

Oh dear.

Drunk

But I've been drinking not because of what you said, but because of what I said and the silence that followed. How you didn't even speak when I told you how I felt completely rejected and alone. Like you didn't even want me. Words mean nothing. They're all just empty and forgotten. I hate you for making me feel like I could trust you. I hate you for taking your brother's advice. I hate you for leaving me here with empty promises. I hate you for hurting me. I hate you for saying "this is going to work" repetitively. I hate you for lying.

But most of all I hate you because I'm drunk and you never even let me try to be your everything.